Considering this is a the first time I've updated this blog in like, well, years (quite literally). It's a bit of a shame that it's got to emo-dramaticus.
Having started a job I really enjoy, it's been made utterly crap by moving to another part of the company I really feel as if I'm nothing but a failure at. And considering that I've had the privelidge to go through some pretty fantastically bad personal situations and reporting violence to the police more than once, it's put my profesional life in an equally bad footing to my personal life.
I'm undecided what I do right now, I just feel like a miserable failure all the time and quite frankly I'm thinking of just cutting my losses and leaving my job, granted the grass isn't always greener, but at the same time I can't keep doing something that makes me feel like this without it completely ruining my life further.
I will be thinking more about my options over the next couple days and just see where it leads me.
Nothing like a journey on the Noctilien to get your juices flowing and that extra « you ain’t going to sleep anytime soon » shot of adrenaline, you neither want or need.
Having had a pretty major bout of « hate my life » it’s been nice to have some good times out recently, of course my already stressed bank balance could do without me having these times. But quite frankly fuck it and fuck you.
I’ve been pretty much down all the time, days off are times I try and sleep through the events that I find myself in trying to reconcile everything to get back on some sort of plateau of normality, of course with very limited success. I’m pretty much certain I am lost and I barely know where I start to try and get myself out of this.
Most of the time I try to avoid being depressively sad and of course making it apparent that I am (because who wants to go out with that bitch who cries on the dance floor to I Got a Feeling), more so that I find it utterly fucking annoying being that guy. I need change, I need to change this situation. I have good friends, good friends who in their right mind, I’m fairly sure, just want to punch me square in the face for being this run down by all this.
I am also in a city that makes me happy and that I enjoy being in, quite frankly this paradox is really starting to make my brain hurt. Yet I try and move on with little success, but I will get out of this some how. And when I do, I will be unstoppable.
But until then, I will be that chick with mascara running down her face banging down tequila shots and demanding her hair be held while she barfs up old stories of all the crap she just needs to set behind her. Because like that chick, I give things to people who shouldn’t deserve it and then seem perplexed when it gets returned, smashed to pieces.
Like that chick I also write half-tired bullshit on an electronic journal, because you know, I’m totally that #hashtag.